Woke up at 0808
Rolled out of bed about 0900...I think.
Got in the bathtub because I felt like I needed to be soothed.
Dogs were barking at something outside, got out of tub to make sure no one was here. Aggravated.
Georgie starting retching and eventually threw up under the bed. Morning bath over.
It was about 0945 when that happened.
Felt like I was going to fight with someone.
Went on Facebook as per usual.
Read Sheila's postings.
One of them really struck. She shared a Hafiz quote that she found.
The last two lines said, "With a love like that. It lights the whole sky."
It was talking about the love between the Sun and the Earth.
My Mom symbol.
If you watch NCIS, for me it was one of those moments where Gibbs slaps Tony in the back of the head.
"Wake up Cristen!
What did you say were going to do with your life after everything happened?
How did you say you were going to live your life
What the *bleep* is holding you back?
Nothing is holding you back, no one is holding you back.
The only one holding you back is YOU! YOU! YOU! YOU! This IS one time where everything is about YOU!"
So of course I started to beat myself up a bit like usual.
Wilson needed to go out.
I was kind of feeling hungry so I threw something in the microwave to cook while out with him.
Wilson really needed to go out.
I decided to make a cup of hot water, with a wedge of lemon and a bit of honey like I did yesterday. Who knew something so simple could make everything align and make you feel really peaceful about life?
Hot water. Lemon. Honey.
No tea. No coffee. Nothing else.
I decided to do something a bit different.
I took Wilson out WITH my cup of lemon and honey water.
Flip flops. Short sleeves. About 40 degrees.
I sat down on the bottom step directly in the path of the bright, blazing sunshine.
The sky was a beautiful, clear azure blue.
I turned my face to the sun and felt its embracing warmth.
That's when I realized, "Maybe it's actually anger I'm feeling. But why?"
As quickly as that feeling came, it melted away. The sun melted it away.
Sitting on that bottom step, every little thing that was bothering me melted away.
Like my Mom's hugs. It was gone. I was ok.
While all of this was happening, I was noticing the beauty around me.
Mother Nature does that to me.
(A-Ha Moment::I may not have my physical, blood realted Mother, but I still have a Mother. Mother Nature. Hmmm.....)
She brings me focus.
She brings me peace.
She slaps me in the back of the head if need be.
She makes the bad go away for awhile.
She centers me.
While I sat there and thought, "Well, that bush is going to have to have the dead growth cut out of it this year," I realized something.
Yes, there is death in that bush as well as the black walnut tree that stands tall next to my driveway.
But you know what? There was new growth. New life coming out from the dead.
That's what God does to us everyday.
He allows new growth to rise out of the dead.
New growth is able to come from the bad and the negative.
Holy crow! I really thought this for myself? There's some of that new growth coming out of the dead.
Everything outside is brown, dormant and in some cases, dead.
Yet, it is still absolutely beautiful.
I'm still incredibly drawn to it and invigorated by it.
All of this from a simple cup of hot water with lemon and honey.
Those too have been touched and embraced by the sun like I have.